about me

I am, first and foremost, an artist and a technician. I’ve always been lost in the details of my interests; oftentimes before I understand the big picture. This blog is as much for me as it is for you. It’s me getting lost in the details and it’s me trying to understand the big picture from the pile of microscopic facts I’ve collected over the years. I’m 28 years old and live on my own in Denver, CO. I’m proud of the fact that I live on my own, a few years ago independence was something I never thought that I would achieve. But here I am, writing out a rent check every month.

I’ve been living with schizoaffective disorder for about 8 years and it’s been a struggle that’s nearly killed me. I’ve tried to commit suicide numerous times, I’ve been hospitalized, medicated to the point of stupor, and even received electro convulsive therapy (ECT) three times a week for 6 months, among countless trauma from severe depression, anxiety, psychosis, and deluded thinking. It’s been a steep hill to navigate and I’ve been blessed to have quite a bit of help over the years in getting to where I am now.

I’ve lost everything at certain points and found myself in the position where I’ve needed to start over again in nearly every aspect of my life; from the friends that I have, to the treatment I receive, and big picture things like what do I do with my life? It started with giving talks to NAMI Family-To-Family classes…something that gave me a taste of how awesome it feels to help people who are in a similar situation to mine. I feel like this blog is a natural progression of those talks.

I’m going to be writing about the experience of mental illness primarily: what it’s like to go through a psychotic episode, what it’s like to get ECT; everything from what memory loss is like to the feeling of being in deep depression and the experience of losing everything that held meaning to me and the long road to get them back. This is a blog about my journey through mental illness – the things that I’ve learned and the things I still need to learn. It’s my intent to make a new post every month. I don’t want to stress myself out with the responsibility of needing to post more often; but it’s my hope that I’ll be able to post more often as I get more accustomed to posting my writing on the Internet.

There isn’t a whole lot of technical detail about mental illness out there – there’s a dearth of information for what it’s like to experience what a person with schizoaffective disorder goes through. I’d like to fix that. I am an artist and a technician – for the past few years I’ve been using my ability to paint to depict my hallucinations and psychotic episodes, and I’ve used my writing skills to process my experiences and thoughts about my illness. It’s time to make both of those public, it’s time to start sharing what I’ve learned and what I struggle with to anyone who cares to read what I have to say.